Dedicated to Helping Hurt and Abused Women
JESUS is the Answer.
God Gave Me the Courage to Leave to |
How God Gave Me the
Courage To Leave An Abusive Marriage
I just want to testify that God is bigger than all of our fears.
I was in an abusive situation for so long that I had surrendered any
hope of ever being free of it. The ungodly and unwise counsel
I had received, especially from well-meaning but misdirected
Christians, had convinced me that I was in God's will as long as I
had forgiveness toward this abusive man and "endured in
faith". Even if it meant losing my life. Isn't that
what the Bible says? "A friend loves at all times"
and "No greater love has no man than this - that he lay down
his life for another". So I lived in a dangerous
situation thinking I was doing God service by "enduring"
for this man's sake. I thought that by my putting up with the
abuse, maybe this man would come to know God's love.
But
Satan comes to steal, kill & destroy. And Jesus comes to
deliver. Satan appears as an angel of light, twisting the
Scriptures to keep us in bondage so that we cannot be a testimony of
light to the world. I am now a testimony of His light.
This is my story of how the Lord overcame the lies of Satan and
delivered me not only from the abuse, but from fear itself.
Praise His name!
I
contacted Rev. Shirly via her website in the autumn of 2001.
The things she told me of deliverance and liberty in Christ seemed
too good to be true. It actually hurt my heart to even
entertain being free of abuse because I just couldn't believe I'd
ever see it in my life. But I continued to listen to Rev.
Shirly & meditate on what she was offering through the
Scriptures. Although I wanted to believe her, the pounding of
condemnation I received from some counselors at church for wanting
to be free of this so-called "marriage" was too
overwhelming to fight. So my sister Betty suggested I take all
my cares to the Lord, put it all at His feet and ask Him to reveal
to me once & for all what He would have me do, and to ask Jesus
to open a door of opportunity for me to confirm His will for my
life. And the courage to go through the door once He
opened it.
I
was petrified! I was so afraid God would say, "Well, if
you love Me, you'll stay in that situation and endure till the end
no matter what." The unsettled emotions I had and the
confusion were worse than the abuse. I didn't want to
disappoint God & be unfaithful to Him. So I finally lay
down on my face before Him & cried out, "Lord, if You want
me to stay with this man even unto death, I will do it! Just
take away my confusion and fear."
And the Holy
Spirit, our Comforter, Jesus said to me, "You are no longer a
slave to man. I have redeemed you without money... you are
Mine. If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. You are
no longer in bondage for I have called you to peace. Follow
Me."
I
studied the word "depart" using my Bible & a
concordance. In this instance, it meant to be apathetic toward
the needs of another. Neglecting. To depart in this
manner is to depart from what God has commanded us to do,
as in "departing from the faith". I knew in my heart
that this abusive man had departed from God's command to love me.
So I no longer held him accountable to love me. He had freed
himself from me so I was no longer a slave to him. I was free
to follow Christ alone.
I
was also reminded in the Scriptures that to remain in fear was
unbelief. I didn't want to be unbelieving! So I
confessed my fear to God and He said, "Don't be afraid.
Be of good cheer. I have overcome the world." Jesus
was so merciful & kind to me that I was no longer ashamed of
being afraid. I knew that even in fear, I could walk out in
faith. In the faith of Jesus Christ. Even when we are
unfaithful, He remains faithful because He can't deny Himself.
He KNOWS He has overcome the world. It's His nature to be
faithful. I had to trust Him and in His faith in His own
power. So I then asked Him to open a door & I would walk
through.
The day
came when this abusive man threatened to kill me as in times past.
I knew then I had to file charges against him or I might never
again get the chance to leave in faith. So I filed a
Protection From Abuse order & the papers were served to him.
But I was also advised to move far away from him as many times
abusive men will try to seek revenge. I prayed for God to show
me where to go.
I
was offered sanctuary in another state with people I hardly knew.
For a few months I had corresponded with them on the Christian
internet. They offered me a place in music ministry & a
trailer to live in out west. I was on the east coast at the
time. It was scary for me to leave my hometown & go
out west with folks I never met. Even after receiving
identification from them & their church and having checked out
their backgrounds sufficiently, I was afraid of the sadness I had to
face in leaving my home & everything I was familiar with.
And I'm not recommending this route to anyone other than to say
that this is the door God opened for me. I had never in my
life taken such a drastic step of faith. I had been a doubting
Thomas most of my life & was like a wave tossed to & fro.
I had listened to too many conflicting interpretations of God's Word
& was in turmoil & confusion. I decided to believe God
alone. In answer to prayer, He showed me in Scripture,
"Leave this city quickly."
The
week before I left, I sat in my empty living room, having sold a lot
of my personal possessions & storing the rest of my things in a
storage unit outside of town. I cried as I realized there was
no turning back. I confessed to God that I felt so abandoned
and alone. I was leaving not only my family & friends, but
the ministry to the youth I was involved in and my church. It
was as if I was having my heart ripped out. I questioned
whether I was doing the right thing. I felt so, so alone &
frightened. I felt like a child.
Needless to say, I got on a plane in Philadelphia, nervous as a cat,
and flew to the west coast. There have been trials and it
wasn't what I expected. The people in this small town are so
much different than what I'm use to in the big city. But there
is no abuse. I am totally free. The Lord restored my
integrity and was faithful to me in that I know peace for the first
time in many years. I am standing alone, joyfully, in Christ.
But
of all else, I can hardly believe that He delivered me from FEAR!
Fear of trusting Him and taking a step of faith. I am amazed
how much more faith I have in God since I did what looked like the
impossible. I have been abused most of my life, even as a
child. I never knew peace nor rest. It seemed I was
always in warfare of abuse. I came to think that's what God's
will was for me. But the Lord has shown me that His will is
not a place, or a person, or a situation. It is the condition
of your heart.
And
my heart condition was fear & unbelief. Through the
ministry of Rev. Shirly Stegmayer I was introduced to an alternative
to fear. It was FAITH IN GOD. And usually, when God
requires you to take a step of faith, it is just you and God.
But He puts people in your life to help you carry your burden and to
encourage you. Then God requires you to believe Him and walk
through the door of freedom. I am so glad that I obeyed Him
& trusted Him, even in spite of my overwhelming fear.
Because now I KNOW the TRUTH. And the Truth - JESUS
CHRIST HIMSELF - has set me free indeed. He set me free
from my unbelief in His love. God is love.
Name
withheld for her protection.
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